How do I do it…?

How I get through it……???????????????

I’m a parent who has lost a son and a daughter (as well as a sibling who lost a younger brother and a child who lost both parents; but I’ll stick to the role that I am most often asked about).

I have been asked countless times how do I get through it? How do I get up in the morning? Does it get easier? What days are hardest?

I’ll start with the last one – pretty much any day can be gut-wrenching, heartbreaking. For example:

·         The date my child died

·         The date my child was born

·         Christmas

·         Thanksgiving

·         Easter - how cute he was searching for hidden baskets

·         Halloween – her costume was the prettiest (or the most imaginative or the scariest)

·         New Year’s Day – new or old; it’s not really going to be any different this year

·         A sunny day – he loved to run in the back field

·         A rainy day – she loved to splash in puddles

·         The first day of the month he died

·         The day a Facebook Memory pops up and startles you before you’ve had your first coffee

You probably get my point by now. Every day, any day can be a tremendous challenge when you have lost someone you love.

If you’ve read this far, you might be crying or at least holding back the tears. So, please stop, and try this – this is how I try to turn all of that around – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but just give it a try.

Stop, take a very deep breath in, as slowly as you can. Now breathe out all of that sad, that regret, that remorse. Really push it right out. Now, breathe it the idea of gratitude, hold it, and release joy. Joy that you:

·         Had beautiful, chaotic Christmas mornings

·         Were able to fix a Thanksgiving meal just the way you child loved it

·         Shared candy with a little kid who was drooling chocolate all over your house and the new Easter outfit

·         Watched the Halloween Parade and your child with the goofy costume was beaming

·         Helped your kids make silly party hats for New Year’s Eve

·         Shared in the running and splashing

·         Are finding ways to honor your loved one

·         Have photos that help you remember those great times

That’s the only way that I get by, and it truly makes me as happy as I can be. I am grateful that my child was part of my life. I consider every moment that we had together as a gift, and I will honor that gift all of my days.